What Is My Life?
I asked one of my closest friends to be a guest on the blog to start off 2018. She blew me away with how honest she was about being single after a divorce. Please read, comment, and share to anyone who can relate. I am so proud to be your friend, Elise!!
LO
P.S - I made her send me a selfie...for any perspective suitors.. hehe.
WHAT IS MY LIFE?
I cannot tell you how many times I have said this phrase to my best friends over the past few years. Usually with an F word thrown in. To say my life has not gone the way I thought it would is a HUGE understatement. I never thought I would be married at 23, divorced by 27, and still single at 30.
Yes. I am thirty. And single. Which in Texas is practically a sin. The message I hear now from most people is that my ovaries are dying and I need to hurry up and find “the one.” Well first of all my ovaries are just fine and second of all I don’t know that I really believe in “the one.”
Growing up, us southern girls are taught the formula for a successful life. Go to college, meet a man (usually more of a boy at that age), get married, have babies, and live in the suburbs. Or Highland Park if you are lucky enough to marry rich. But I actually always thought I would get married when I was around 30 (how ironic). I wanted to do travel nursing and get my master's degree before I brought someone else into the mix. But when I met a boy that checked all the "good guy" boxes and he wanted to get married, I jumped in head first. I was officially starting to fulfill my duties as a good southern woman. But I very quickly learned that marriage is hard. Really hard. And mine was made harder by some circumstances that I never could have been prepared for. When it became clear it was time to end it and I got divorced, my life changed in LITERALLY every way. I was no longer the one that “had it all together.” I became the one other people felt sorry for.
Getting divorced in general can feel shameful, but getting divorced at 27 makes you feel like a complete failure. I didn't fit into any social category. All of my friends were married. Most already had kids. Everything I grew up believing had been turned upside down and I got really lost for a while. I ended up making some stupid/funny/ridiculous mistakes that thankfully I can laugh about now. I found my footing somewhat and got into another relationship that was pretty successful but ultimately didn't work out either.
So now I'm here. Still single. Still 30. And I'm actually grateful. Don’t get me wrong...some days being alone really sucks. It can start to feel like none of that relationship business will work out for me, but I have been given this opportunity that most don't get. To look back on my life and grow and learn and be spontaneous without a lot of life’s typical pressures. I started this process when I was in my last relationship but my time alone has really pushed me forward. I no longer view life as black and white. I have learned there is a lot of gray. And I actually like living in the gray. I no longer want to have my life perfectly planned out because clearly that hasn't worked for me very well. I have learned that I actually like myself. I can be really cool but I am also kind of a disaster sometimes. Just ask my friends. I have learned that I enjoy things I never thought I would and I say yes to a lot more adventures. So now, rather than needing a man or a family to feel stable, I am stable on my own. I feel like my life is together...most of the time. And most importantly I have no regrets about how I got here. Yes, I want to get married to the right man. Yes, I want to have kids. But my daily decisions are not driven by those desires. I am way more okay taking life as it comes. And I can honestly say I would not be where I am without the love and guidance of my family and a handful of best friends (shout out #loleelovesit).
When it comes down to it all of this has taught me that I don’t have to have a checklist. For my life or for my partner. I’ve learned what I want and need in a relationship and it’s really pretty simple. I want a good man that thinks I’m the shit. Someone that loves me when I am “the cool girl” and also when I’m being a little crazy. I want someone that understands the importance of continuously pursuing each other, even when it sucks. And I want to be that person for someone else. The idea of dating is exciting and anxiety provoking all at once. When I start to like someone I immediately turn into my 13 year old self and have no chill. But, my old married mother friends are helping guide me along the way. We will see how that works out...
Elise
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