After a tragedy

So now you know my big secret.

Shocked?

After a tragedy, your whole life can be turned upside down. For me, I let the tragedy take control of my life. It changed me, and not for the better.

Until now. 

Looking back on this situation I would like to say that I handled the situation well.  I didn't. I would like to say I was forgiving and kind to my husband or to family members. I wasn't. 

I took a really dark turn when my husband got sober. I felt sorry for myself and constantly compared myself to others. I became selfish, and put myself before my child.  I hated everyone. Everyone was against me.

I became addicted to hate. 

I hated anyone who didn't agree with me, I hated anyone who had more than I did. Honestly, this made me feel so much better about myself.  Until I realized what people started to think about me.

She's drama.
She is negative.
She talks about everyone.
She is disrespectful

ugh. 

But part of growing up and moving forward is acknowledging what people think and determining whether or not you want to change these things about yourself.

I am drama.
I am negative.
I do gossip.
I can be disrespectful.
I haven't been the best mother.

These are things that don't just bother you, but they bother me as well.  I decided to change it.

I have no time for drama
I refuse to be negative
Holding my tongue is really hard
I respect others the way I have been raised to. I won't make everyone happy... and for once I can accept that.
I am the best dang mom I can be.


Every day is a battle to recover  from what happened, but every day is also  another reason to be thankful. I  am not perfect. My life isn't how I expected it to turn out. My life isn't how my parents envisioned it would be. But in the end,  it is my life. I chose this life, and when it comes down to it, one tragedy doesn't make life bad. It is just one chapter in your story.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

I just needed to realize that.


One thing I have learned is that we will never be perfect. LIFE WILL NEVER BE PERFECT.
The best things in life are worth fighting for. My son and my husband are worth fighting for. My faith is worth fighting for. Without my faith, I wouldn't be able to acknowledge the changes that needed to be made. Be open to change. I haven't been, and that is not the best example for my son.

Be thankful.

I am thankful for a life that is not easy, a life that is full of lessons. I am thankful for the growth that is occurring within me every day. I am thankful that I share my life with someone that I truly love. I am thankful that I live in a country where I can write this blog and not get arrested.
I am thankful for freedom and for the people who have fought for my freedom. I am thankful for the crazy 19-month old who saved my husband's life, and who has the most beautiful smile.  I am thankful for family and all my friends who have supported me so much.

I may not have the life I envisioned, but dang  I have a pretty good life.

So heres to putting what happened to my family to rest. To becoming stronger through adversity. To facing challenges head on. Here is to not being afraid.

I am coming for you, 2018.

:)

Lo

                                                                           Thankful.